One More Thing. . .
Why Baseball's Not Important
B aseball season has arrived, and it's time to celebrate the important contributions the game of baseball has made to our culture and the important role it plays in all of our lives. It's hard to understate the importance of baseball in America – it's really a metaphor for life.
This is the argument I tried to make to my friend Rachel early one spring many years ago. But she just scoffed at me. "Baseball is just a little boy's game," she said. "It's slow and boring and has nothing to do with ‘real' life."
And then she continued: "You're way off base, dude. In fact, you're not even in the ballpark."
At about that time I met a girl named Wendy who I found attractive, and I asked her for a date. "You've got two strikes against you," she told me. "You're a geek and you're way too obsessed with baseball. You'll never even get to first base."
I must have been desperate, because I offered to go an entire year without watching or listening to baseball. "Well, you threw me a curve with that one," Wendy said. "but I'll still have to take a rain-check."
Then Wendy had an idea. "You know, my friend Barbara's boyfriend is going out of town and she needs someone to go to the opera with her. Maybe you can pinch-hit for him." I told her I'd take a rain-check on that too.
My first job after college was with a large corporation in western Washington that makes airplanes. My boss, Don, hated sports, but he loved to use metaphors when he wanted to inspire us.
"You've got to keep your eye on the ball," he'd say, when he thought we were getting off-track in a meeting. Or, when a colleague made an exceptionally good presentation, Don would say, "way to go, Herb, you really hit a home run with that one." When a company we were negotiating with came in with a low bid, he'd say "they're playing hardball, folks. But we'll stick with this until we get the deal done. Even if we have to go extra innings."
When I mentioned to Don that, for a guy who didn't like baseball, he used a lot of baseball metaphors, he just laughed. I don't think he even knew enough about baseball to know what he was saying. "Oh, I think those are just business sayings my boy," he'd say. "You're not playing little boys' games anymore, son. You're in the big leagues now. It's a whole new ballgame." I just shook my head and left.
My old Professor Gottfried was also a non-sports fan. Once, we were discussing the cultural importance of various types of entertainment, such as classical music and ballet. I brought up baseball, and again I was dismissed. "Well that certainly came out of left field," he said. "Trust me, when it comes to cultural entertainment, baseball is totally bush league."
When I continued to try and argue my case, the professor got a bit nasty. "I used to tell people how smart I thought you were. I really went to bat for you." Then he said. "You can cry foul, but now I'm not so sure."
So maybe the old Professor's right. Maybe baseball really isn't important. As I was leaving, I looked back and he yelled: "In fact I'm starting to think you're just a screwball!"